


Letter

by shattering_petals



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Angst, Heavy Angst, Hurt No Comfort, I Made Myself Cry, Love Letters, M/M, No Fluff, No Smut, References to Depression, Social Anxiety, Unrequited Love, long ass letter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-22
Updated: 2018-08-22
Packaged: 2019-07-01 04:06:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,194
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15766263
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shattering_petals/pseuds/shattering_petals
Summary: Jisung receives a letter.





	Letter

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! I wanted to write some heavy angst for a long time and here it is! This time my victim is minsung. I hope you'll enjoy anyway :3  
> I put mature because I personally don't think it's that depressing but I'm afraid that it might touch someone in a bad way and i don't want that. But maybe I'm just over reacting...  
> 

Bright light and strong push wakes up Jisung.

„Wake up, sleepyhead.“

„Five more minuteeees“

„It’s 9:30 AM, Jisung and my mom called that she and my dad are coming over for lunch so I need you to help me with cleaning.“ says Jeongin, Jisung’s husband.

„Fine.“

Jisung gets dressed, brushes his teeth and hair and goes outside to get the mail.

He takes out newspaper, fliers and a letter for him sent by Minho. He goes back inside, puts down the newspaper and fliers and opens the letter. There are two pages written by hand. Minho always had nice handwriting.

_Dear Jisung,_

_I need to tell you something but I am too scared to tell you in person but I think I should let you know before I leave, so I am writing you this letter. I honestly don’t know where to start… Probably from the very beginning is the best option._

_Do you remember when we first met? I remember it like it was yesterday. I was a sophomore when you transfered to our high school. I was basically an outcast and nobody would talk to me. Then you accidentaly threw a ball at my head. At first I thought you were one of the muslepigs that bullied me on daily basis but you are the exact opposite – weak and slim. Not that there’s anything wrong with being weak, maybe it’s better. I can’t imagine you with big biceps. Anyway, thanks to you I gained many friends and the bullies left me alone. And you guys were the best friends I could ask for. Sometimes i was afraid that i would wake up and realize that it was all a dream and Jungkook and his squad will stuff me in a locker like they used to but it wasn’t a dream._

_For the first time in my whole life, I felt truly happy. But of course,if something good happens in my life something bad must happen too to reach a certain balance. My parents got into a car accident. My dad died and my mom ended up in a wheelchair after 3 weeks in a comma. It was terrible. We didn’t have much money even when dad was alive and now we had no source of income and bunch of medical bills on our hands. I was sure I had to leave school and find a job at McDonalds or something in order to survive but I didn’t have to. You guys comforted me and helped me make money as well as study and I’ll be grateful forever. It was hard but it would be much harder without you. But I felt so guilty and a voice in the very back of my head was trying to convince me that I don’t deserve it. That you’re only helping me because i am so pathetic. And I almost believed it. Almost._

_Then we graduated and my mom died. Apparently she and dad saved money for college. It broke me. Suddenly, I had no family. But you were still there. You gave me hope and the strength to live._

_After graduating we entered the same university. I wanted to make my parents proud and i promised myself I would study hard and graduate. I thought that if i have you by my side, i can enjoy college,  however it wasn’t as great as I hoped it would be. You soon became popular and you were amazing at parties and then there was me… I guess if you’re a loser you stay a loser for the rest of your life. You took me to parties and you always were so considerate towards me, not leaving my side and asking me if I’m okay because you knew I have social anxiety and you wanted to help me with that. But I was just embarrassing. I could possibly do every wrong decision there is to make in public. I got drunk, made out with a guy and many bad things. Everyone was pointing fingers at me and laughing at me._

_I hated myself and my anxiety worsened. You tried to protect me and help me but I was avoiding you. I didn’t want you to get involved with me because then they would bully and laugh at you too. But you didn’t give up on me and we talked it out. You called me an idiot for thinking like that and we soon went back to being best friends. My life was getting a little better._

_Then you said it’s time for me to at least try to get a boyfriend and set me up with a guy. I forgot his name. Everything was going well. We talked and laughed. But when I was talking about my life it was always: Jisung and I… Then Jisung… Jisung gave me… He got fed up with it and left asking why I went on a date when I am in love with someone else._

_It made me think. As I was walking back to the dorms I realized that what I percieved as friendship was love. I liked you. A lot. I planed on confessing. I bought your favourite flowers and I even practiced what i was going to say but the same day i was planing to confess, you introduced your new boyfriend. Yang Jeongin. He is everything I am not – smart, cute, pure, not socially awkward. He is from a wealthy family too. So I smiled through the pain I felt in my chest and when you left to go on a date, I locked myslef in the bathroom and cried my eyes out._

_Turns out that when i was avoiding you, you found him and you were already happily together. I’m not going to lie to you, It fucking broke my heart. Everytime i saw you together doing what couples do the pieces broke again and again until it they became so little._

_After finally graduating, you found an apartment with Jeongin and I started living with Chan.  Chan is one of the most reliable and trustworthy guys I know so after few drinks, I spilled everything. Living with you was hard but living without you was hard and painful. I missed you so bad but Chan never let us hang out 1 on 1. Always at least four people and we never talk about you at home. He was really nice to me. He eventually had to move because of his job but he visits me often. He didn’t want to leave, though. Before he left, he asked me at least 14 times if I’m okay and if I can do this alone._

_I said that I’m fine but it was a lie. I am not fine. I’m not fine because the light of my life that gave me hope and reason to continue was now living with his cute boyfriend away from me._

_After few months you told me that you are getting married and you want me to be your best man. I agreed. You have no idea how angry Chan was. He tried to convince me not to do it, because it’s only going to hurt me but i insisted on going. I had to do it because no one would ruin something so important to the person they love. I couldn’t do that to you._

_It hurt so fucking bad but i was doing it for you. I’d do anything for you._

_When I got home,  I cried and cried and cried. I ignored Chan’s phone calls and messages. I stayed at home for few days. Not doing anything and eating delivery food. I might have spent more time like this but Chan helped me get back on my feet_

_You went on honeymoon for a week and Chan had to leave to take care of some family stuff in Australia. I was alone with my demons, dark thoughts and voices that tormented me._

_That’s when I finally broke. That’s when i realize just how much I am hurting. That’s when I realized I will never be okay. That's when I realized how much I hate myself. So I’m leaving. Somewhere where I won’t hurt anymore._

_And before i disappear from your life I need to tell you this._

_I love you Han Jisung._

_More than I could love anyone else. But not even my eternal love for you couldn’t save me from my demons. Please be happy and don’t blame yourself._

_Forever yours_

_Lee Minho_

Jisung’s hands are shaking and he’s crying. He can’t believe he’s been so dense. Minho loved him this whole time and he didn’t notice. He’s such a fool. No he’s complete idiot. He knew that Minho is having a hard time but he was too in love with Jeongin and he ignored him. He abandoned his best friend when he needed him the most.

„Is everything okay?“ Jeongin asks with a concerned expression. Jisung doesn’t respond and drops the letter. He sends a quick text in the group chat saying that Minho might be in danger and runs out of the apartment, leaving confused Jeongin behind.

He arrives to the building. Changbin, Felix and Woojin arrive at the same time and they run to Minho’s apartment. The door is wide open and muffled whimpering and crying can be heared from inside. They enter. The crying is coming from the bathroom. They walk to it.

The sight in front of him makes the time stop and it sucks the air out of Jisung’s lungs as his heart drops and his eyes widen.

There’s Chan, crying and sobbing while holding Minho’s body. His brown eyes are empty, blankly staring at the ceiling. His lips are purple and slightly apart. He looks so pale. There’s an empty box of pills laying beside hand. He’s completely motionless. Jisung feels nauseous.

Chan, still unaware of Jisung and others, strokes Minho’s hair and cries even harder than before while muttering some words.

The others seem just as shocked. Changbin is tearing up, Felix looks like he’s about to start screaming and Woojin is covering his mouth with his right hand the other holding his phone, ready to call the ambulance.

Chan finally notices the presence of others. The eyes that were filled with tears are now filled with anger as he gets up and punches Jisung with a scream. Jisung falls on the floor. Woojin and Changbin grab Chan’s arms to prevent him from going any further.

„YOU IGNORANT ASSHOLE! YOU IDIOTIC MOTHERFUCKER!“ Chan shouts as he struggles against Changbin and Woojin.

„IF YOU WEREN’T SO FUCKING STUPID AND SELFISH, MINHO WOULD STILL BE ALIVE!“

„I…I’m so sorry“

„Sorry?! DID YOU ACTUALLY CARE ABOUT MINHO? BECAUSE LATELY IT SEEMS LIKE YOU ONLY CARE ABOUT  JEONGIN.“

Jisung starts to cry. He’s unable to say anything. Chan stops struggling against his friends and falls on his knees.

„Give him back. Give me back my angel. Give me back my Minho, you fucker!“ He helplessly sits on the floor and begins to cry again.

 

Woojin and Chan arrange the funeral 2 weeks after Minho’s death. Jisung arrives alone knowing this is just for close friends. Plus Chan wouldn’t be so happy to see his husband.

Everybody looks devasted but Chan looks absolutely ruined. His dark hair is messy, his face is puffy and there are dark circles under his eyes. He looks like he lost some weight too. Woojin stands behind him and lightly squeezes his shoulder as they watch the coffin get burried

Minho has no family so only 7 of closest friends gather. After the ceremony, they offer to go drinking to talk about Minho and dull the pain with alcohol but Chan politely refuses saying that he’s tired and that he needs to be alone for a while. When Jisung tries to talk to him, Chan ignores him and walks away. He didn’t forgive him but that’s okay. Jisung wouldn’t forgive himself either.

„Love is a powerful thing, isn’t it?“ says Woojin as he stands next to him looking at Chan.

„Powerful?“ Jisung says, confused.

„It can make someone feel alive or crush them.“

„I guess Minho experienced both.“

„Look, you shouldn’t blame yourself. If it weren’t for you, I don’t think that he would be able to graduate let alone study at the university. You’ve helped him a lot. I’m sure Minho wouldn’t want you to blame yourself either.“

 „What about Chan?“

„Well… He was in love with Minho just as much Minho was in love with you but time heals all wounds and scars fade. I’m sure that once he moves on, he’ll realize that none of this is anyone’s fault and he’ll come back. He just needs time and space.“

Jisung just nods and sighs.

„Come on. The guys want to go to the pub down the street.“

„Alright. Let’s go.“ Jisung says. He takes one last look at Chan. Then they turn around and catch up with the rest.

They drink soju and tell each other stories and memories.

 And Minho watches them from above, in a place where he united with his dear family.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I've just realized that the type of work i write depends on my mood and how I'm dealing with life at the moment haha.  
> Aaanyway thank you so much for reading!  
> Let me know what you think in the comments and I'll be very grateful for kudos  
> Please don't hate me for writing this T.T  
> Please don't copy anything.


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